Specialists say there are benefits to couples sleeping separately

Michael Solender and his wife have been together for 42 years. They shared the same bed for the first 10 years, after which they started sleeping in different rooms.

machine.

He tends to be warm at home in the evenings, while she is generally chilly.

“It's sensible for people to have separate bedrooms for sleep, as it promotes a healthier and better relationship, really,” said Solender, 66. "There is no embarrassment linked to that. There is no disapproval."

Snoring, temperature differences, someone stealing the duvet, and frequent turning over can often cause couples to choose to sleep in separate beds. Other factors also come into play, such as health problems, differing work schedules, and partners having different bedtime and wake-up times.

The study, conducted by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, found that some people occasionally or consistently sleep in a different room to accommodate a sleeping partner. Men tend to be the ones who use the sofa or a guest room for sleeping.

And, somewhat interestingly, it's the younger generation, millennials, who do it the most, rather than older people in the UK.

Dr Seema Khosla, a thoracic consultant and spokesperson for the Academy, said achieving adequate sleep, which is typically seven to eight hours a day for adults, is crucial for sound interpersonal relationships.

According to Khosla, medical director of North Dakota's North Dakota Center for Sleep, based in Fargo, people who habitually struggle with a good night's sleep are more likely to fall out with their partners.

It's really all about prioritising sleep," Khosla said. "I've had patients who have been married for 60 years and they genuinely believe that having separate bedrooms is a major reason for this.

Sleeping separately, she said, "is probably more frequent than we might imagine."

He added that the same applies to sleep apnea, a prominent cause of severe snoring, Khosla said. Solender suggested he visited a specialist in sleep after recognising the impact sleep deprivation had on himself and his wife.

I'd wake my wife up, and I'd wake myself up," he said. "I had no idea I had sleep apnea. It was nearly 20 years ago, but I'm pretty certain that's when my symptoms started - falling asleep at red traffic lights, dozing off while watching TV, even while sitting up reading a book. It was exhausting, and that's when I realised I had a problem.

Crucial to making separate sleep spaces a success is discussing it beforehand, as Solender did with his wife.

"It's not about avoiding intimacy," she said. "It's about acknowledging that you can have intimacy," you can have that quality time together, but then simply sleeping in separate rooms. That's a vital aspect of the conversation; both partners need to comprehend and concur on it," Khosla said.

She has noticed a certain hesitation among her patients when she recommends sleeping in separate bedrooms.

“Usually it’s the partner's snoring that wakes them up or an alarm that someone's partner has set, usually at a ridiculously early hour, they'll discuss it. People will immediately start to push back saying that's not practical for them," she said.

The Madam, Khosla said, “Some will sit with it for a minute and they’ll think about it, and you can tell that they’re kind of like, 'I would love to do this but how do I tell my partner?'”

Tracey Daniels and her husband had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for around four years. Initially, there was no significant conversation about it. She would simply retire to the guest room at night.

"My husband is a terrible snorer. But I'm also a very light sleeper. He could drop a paperclip on a carpeted floor and I'd wake up," said Daniels, who resides in Tryon, North Carolina.

She then started a conversation after being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing an operation.

"He gives me a bedtime tuck-in and a goodnight kiss," he said.

They rotate their three dogs at nightly.

Dr Phyllis Zee, the head of sleep medicine at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine and director of a sleep clinic at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, stated that sleep separation is a common occurrence in her field of practice.

It would be a great idea to have a discussion about sleeping patterns before getting married. I often see it when couples have been married and/or cohabiting for some time, and they've been trying to work out this issue for a while.

By middle age, Zee declared, sleep becomes less robust.

We're more likely to suffer from things like insomnia or sleep apnoea. And that can become quite troublesome.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about sleeping apart. Zee said technology has made it easier for couples to share a bed in some respects. White noise machines, cooling pillows and bedding, beds with dual temperature controls and dual control electric blankets can help, Zee said. Some couples have given up sharing blankets, using their own instead, in order to get a good night's sleep.

“There is a full marketplace out there to help alleviate some of these problems,” she said.

Sleep separation is now more widely accepted, following greater awareness of the significance of good quality sleep for overall health, as explained by Zee.

As an alternative viewpoint, there is evidence to suggest there are advantages to sharing a bed," she said. "In general, it is recommended to seek professional advice prior to making a decision. Are the symptoms indicative of a sleeping problem that one can diagnose and treat?

.